News & Events

A Call to Men – Be the Change Hui 2024

A hui supporting violence-free communities

From July 19th to 21st, 2024, at the sacred grounds of Horouta Marae, we gathered for the “A Call to Men – Be the Change Hui,” an empowering event dedicated to fostering violence-free communities and healing men through meaningful kōrero.

Attendees shared heartfelt reflections on the safe space created by Safeman Safefamily (SMSF), where truths were shared, mana was upheld, and the sanctity of the whānau was respected. One of the standout discussions was the invaluable perspective that wāhine brought to the journey, adding depth and insight to the kōrero. Moving forward, we hope to open more spaces for wāhine and tamariki to contribute, furthering the growth and healing of our whānau.

The courage of men, especially young men, to share their stories is a testament to the safe environment nurtured by Safeman Safefamily and our allied organisations. The discussions highlighted the harsh realities of intergenerational violence, substance abuse, and the search for belonging, with many findings hope and a new path forward.

We commend all those involved in this mahi for breaking these cycles and renewing hope in so many lives—particularly the lives of women and children.

testimonies

“It was a privilege to be able to attend – a huge thanks to Tim and Tauawhi for the flights and accommodation. Thanks to Nick and the team in Porirua for hosting this vital kaupapa this year.

The willingness for men to tell their stories – especially the young men – is testament to the safe environment provided by SMSF and allied organisations. The common factor in much of the korero was the violent and abusive behaviours and attitudes learned from fathers who in turn had inherited them from their fathers. Associated abuse of alcohol and drugs to deal with hopelessness further compounded the situations for both perpetrators and victims. Gang membership was more often than not from seeking a sense of whanau and belonging but usually resulted in jail time. For some this was the wake up call that helped turn them around.

I want to commend you all for the mahi you do in breaking these intergenrational cycles and renewing hope in so many lives – particularly the women and children.

Nga mihi nui rawa atu. Kia kaha, kia toa, kia manawanui.

Naku noa, Baye”

“I am Siaosi Tofi a team leader at Tauawhi Men’s Centre in Gisborne.

I attended the ‘Call to Men’ Hui 2024 held at Horouta Marae, Porirua on 19-22 July 2024, it was very powerful. The gathering was an opportunity for men on the journey towards being better men, to come together and support each other to be better for their families, for society and for themselves.

The gathering was at times raw and heavy, at other times it was hopeful and illuminating. As someone who works in the space of mentoring and helping male perpetrators of family harm to become better men, I would say that one of the special things about the gathering was that it was both a safe place, but also a deeply confronting space, it was a space of compassion, but also of unflinching truth and naked accountability.

It is rare to have these elements in the same place when dealing with a group of men, many of whom have been perpetrators of violence, but it’s exactly what’s needed for transformation and change to occur.

It took a special mix of the men who are on the journey, organisations that are working with these men, thought leaders, community support and Maori elders, to create the right conditions for truth and compassion to flow for those present. There is no magic bullet, change is a journey, but the opportunity and space created by the Call to Men hui is very powerful and transformative for the men, their families, and society as a whole.

There are a number of powerful levers that can be used to compel the men to engage in addressing their violent behaviour, and be accountable for their abuse of others, these include the Police, courts, the Dept of Corrections, these are all important and have their rightful place, but the Call to Men hui and others like it provide another type lever, one that compels the men to change on a deeper level, from the inside out.

This! is what the organisers, hosts, and funders of the Call to Men hui 2024 at Horouta Marae Porirua enabled. We brought a group of men and women from Gisborne who were either perpetrators or survivors of violence, all were deeply and profoundly impacted. I should also acknowledge the input of three women at the hui which was very powerful and impacting for the men, thank you again for the opportunity and for your support of Call to Men 2024 at Horouta Marae.

Siaosi Tofi
Kaiarahi – Awhi & Navigation Services

 

As children we don’t chose the hurt…but as adults we can choose to keep hurting or start healing”. One of two words that caught me this weekend at ” A call to Men in Porirua. 
The other was. “We are a kaupapa not a program”..one is led by time..one by wairua”. Imagine a Marae of men on the healing journey, once victims, once perpetrators often both – of violence…but all on the healing journey…and showing other men the way. 
 
We often say “hurt people hurt people”…the othe side to that though is “healed people heal people” also. Vic Tamati Mnzm and SafeMan SafeFamily Aotearoa-NZ – your leadership, unapologetic, and inclusive of all men who want a violence free life and the tools to live that life is an intergenerational shift for men, their partners and their families.
 
Rob Mokaraka and “Shot Bro” (yes he was shot by the police) needs to come to Raro Evangelene Wong. So many of our men would benefit from your korero. “Safe Men Safe families”..needs every bit of support they can get if we want real change and violence free lives, men and families and Tauawhi Mens Centre and Papa Rau.
I know this pain and struggle – and from hurt to healed takes time, tools, grace, willingness and forgiveness…starting with ourselves – but we can’t do it alone!!!
 
Connected with so many good men this weekend, broken yes, hurt yes….have hurt others yes…but healed and on the path to healing also, restored, reconciled with partners and families and building other men to heal also. Kia Ka’a, Kia Toa..Kia Manawa Nui to all involved. Meitaki ranuinui to Horouta Marae and the hau kainga for your manaakitanga.”
 
 
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It's 'normal'

for your partner to give you a fat lip for asking whether he got milk.
to hide from your dad after the All Blacks have lost.
for mum to wear a scarf in summer to hide the bruises on her throat.

This should never be normal.